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It turns out the wizard was the one NTRing King Arthur.

"I'm going on a journey North to slay giants. I need to prove Guinevere's innocence, or find he culprit." And so, Merlin chanted a spell, "Keep this tome in your castle. And she will unknowingly be wearing an invisible chasity belt with a guillotine. Anyone who so much as dares will be caught red, and shorter, handed."

So the king went on his journey with peace of mind. And when he came back, he called a council. All the knights of the round table were assembled.

One by one, he forced them to lower their shorts and inspected the merchandise. Finally, he came to Sir Lancelot. "Drop your chausses," he commanded. Nothing was found to be out of order. King Arthur cried tears of joy. His suspicions were unfounded after all.

"My dearest friend and noble knight, how could I have ever thought such of you!" he cried as they embraced. Lancelot remained silent. "Have you no words?" the king asked. Lancelot wiped some blood from his lips, "auwwoo muuhhh apo po wuuuuuuu."

The End