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The thought of not having an escape is horrifying and I know I won't be able to handle it... I'd likely break... as much as I like to act... I genuinely don't feel any real attachment to the world or my life... I just create false desire to maintain even a shred of a will to continue... but false desire isn't going to trick my mind forever... That thought as well is concerning-nya.

You end every sentence in nya. You have nothing to worry about surrounding mental instability!

if I could give my lifeforce to someone else I'd do so without hesitation since at least they might be able to enjoy what I simply don't... in fact there is someone right now I wish could give my lifeforce to because they certainly don't deserve the pain and could use a chance-nya.

If you distrust yourself so much why do you trust your distrust? If you think it's true it's true because there is no truth. If you do not fear death life your life to your fullest.

I hate the fact that I don't care about leaving everything behind as if everything was worthless to me... what was the point of building bonds over the years if I even now don't fully care about them? it all feels so meaningless as if it all will inevitability just disappear... pointless but interesting-nya.

Honestly my life is just an excuse to live... I lie to myself that I care and that I feel anything sort of attachment... but do I? No.

I highly doubt that living is all that important... I am confidant that death is just something that occasionally happens but not really the end just another step in eternity or something like that... so why value something that isn't worth all that much in the grand scheme of things-nya.

Anyway I should probably stop or I'll end up convincing myself to do something foolish... time to go find a distraction... Sorry for the rant but it helps shut my mind the fuck up as I am a bit unstable right now... So I am trying to avoid a breakdown hehe.

Honestly my life is just an excuse to live... I lie to myself that I care and that I feel anything sort of attachment... but do I? No.

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@Voidiris Voidiris ? Where did you take the true Suls ?

I highly doubt that living is all that important... I am confidant that death is just something that occasionally happens but not really the end just another step in eternity or something like that... so why value something that isn't worth all that much in the grand scheme of things-nya.

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@Voidiris Voidiris !? ITS NOT FUNNY ! WHERE DID YOU TAKE SULS !

So I am trying to avoid a breakdown hehe.

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.....Im so depressed too that i cant think of a joke.

And i talked so many times about this topic with Voidiris, Prince, and co
that im lazy to retalk it.

its also why i care so much for the relation with botty.
because of this void of feelings, relations, and fate in life.

its like the illusion thing in naruto. do i care its fake ? no. as long it bring me happiness.
but even that, i cant get it. hence its even sadder. (and why rn im so fking depressed)

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