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I know its begnin, that others suffer 1000x more (like hans prev situation&suffering&health), or would kill to get my place/life.

But.............its just so frustrating.
Its as annoying as wanting to be in peace, but there is a baseball ball hitting in the face, or a vase hitting you.

Speaking of, in sports, i indeed was hit once by a baseball ball, and a volleyball.

It is not that i'm a snowflake,
but that im jp-like in mentality
wanting peace
am reasonnable
selfless
kind
want to help
etc

But its like DC writers write bad events for spiderman for lolz.
Or conan manga.

Speaking of sports, in elementary school we were playing basketball, while I was next to the net, some one shot a basketball airballed and bonked me on my head. The same thing happened a week or two latter.

Do you know, everyone? Im so fking scared to simply say "hi" now.
I FKING KNOW, there is will be shittiness incoming in my face from somewhere, somehow, someway.

Just like there was once this thread asking for help (at new year or christma), or botty asking for "what is that?"
My hand type the advice, and the other grab the other to stop it.
My mind WANTS to help. My intuition scream DONT DO IT.

Worse of all,
is that i know that my case, is in the domain of "supernatural" and shouldnt be believed and should trust science. But i know its true.

Bc years ago, saw the "unluckiest man alive" (passed more time in hospital than out / coconut can fall on his head and fracture)
and the guiness world record of "thundered man" (7+)

But again.
In my case, they are all begnins stuff compared to big bad things.

But like the water drop torture, my mind is cracking.

......flash thought
MAYBE this equilibrium-system is maybe a counter to inert bad luck and saving my life by activating small bad events (early detonating)
i mean, there is this the-voice kid that died from cancer soon after his win.
who knows that maybe i should be dead already.

Every second of life you have won is a victory. Pretty much everything in our natural and human cultivated world can harm if not kill us. Stay strong, and I hope tomorrow will be a better day.

i know, but im just so tired (mentally).
and to break a person, its often the heart the easiest method to kill them.

----

I feel like this twitter jp-artists, that simply live normally, but suffer injustice for no reason. Bc the world is illogical and full of crazies.
"Why do i need to suffer this? It doesnt make sense"

Don’t know if you tried it, but if someone is dilibertly trying to piss you off/upset you, have you done the ‘and’ method? It is when someone says something upsetting you respond ‘and?’ or ‘is that so?’, if they continue to try to provoke you you continue to go ‘and?’. That is what I usually do anyways…

Ty for the idea.

Also that is the thing.
I wish i was more "evil" so i simply could do this kind of stuff instinctively.

And even when i do act "evil", i'm like a ridiculously angry chihuahua (which insults are childish).

And well, in 2024 internet, pretty sure when "veteran toxics" see my actions, i bet they can see my low expertise on it on the get go (like bullies trope "oh look this preschool kid try to punch to me, its so funny")

And well, that is also another thing.
Like the loud-but-kind-inside character in manhwa, i cant seem to find the middle ground or good "comebacks" (toxic ones)

I mean, im 2 states :

or i'm kind or i risk breaking rules (with childish insults)

but i dont have this "obnoxious bully" energy that nowadays internet people got. This arrogant smugness that goes under your skin, be toxic without breaking any rules. The bully energy if you know what i mean.
The kind of disregard for the others, as if the other dont care if you inflict dmg, or could cause suicide.

And ofc, as i'm "loud", like the reader is annoyed, others have misunderstood disliking-impressions of me.

I ALWAYS.
ALWAYS.
Only retaliate.
But sadly, people see only the gun pulled or corpse but dont think "oh its self defense" but "KILLER !!!!"

meanwhile im envious of Enigma-like users, that can be cute and get peace.

I'm just like this protagonists of CNs.
"If you give me respect, i respect you back, if you dont respect me, i will return the favor x10 times"


But somehow, like this protagonists, im cursed to have "problems" incoming.
Just like that if they go to restaurants, a shitty young master would come.
Yes like protags, i would turn things around or suffer no injurity, BUT G---DAMNIT I WANT PEACE !