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I'd describe my mind as chimeric like if I ripped it into millions of tiny little pieces only to half hazardously sow each piece back together creating a sense of dissonance to who I am and who I once was... This may sound bad but I quite enjoy it and am excited to see where it takes me~

It is a natural response. Your mind wants you to survive. Most of my mates from the army days got what I call "an ugly laugh". If they smile or laugh, something ugly happened. It's helpful while you are in a bad place but unhealthy when things get better. Try to find a time and place to unwind. Grab a drink and cry like a man.

I do cry though? I don't feel emotions normally because of several mental disorders autism, ADHD, ADD, Severe hallucinations and a hell of a lot of voices in my head causing my sense of reality and time to be nearly nonexistent it is less that my emotions are changing and more I am simply not imitating them anymore because I realized will get me nowhere so I stopped...

On top of that I have Chronic migraines that I get daily and a really bad case Static Snow Syndrome, My emotions are weird because I've understandably just gone a little crazy by this point after dealing with this kind of bullshit since birth. The reason I feel so much joy now is because I realized that life becomes a lot easier when you just stop giving a shit about things you don't understand and-

combine your inner world with what you see in reality, I just find how much I've changed since then surprising from a time when I was a complete mess and on shit tons of pills that could barely keep me sane to only being on 1 that keep the hallucinations and voices in check. So there is nothing to worry about since I am living better than anyone thought possible including myself.