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I think you are, you just don't want to admit it to yourself.

That's how depression is. You think you are ok but you are not. And you will keep denying you are not okay. You will apply various mental gymnsastics and try to reason that it can't be depression, but it is.

I don't think I am depressed . I am always smiling, you know. Not the fake smile. I'm genuinely smiling. But, these days, I just space off.

Yes. As I said, that's what you are going to do.

I don't know anymore. Sometimes, I just think that crying would help. But, bro I can't even cry. I've got no tears in my eyes lol.

"It can't be depression because I do that and this. And when you are diagnosed with depression you can't do this or that." You use half-baked info from internet to fool yourself into believing it's not depression. Same way certain alcoholics will think of anything to deny they are alcoholics.

I don't even see anything about depression on internet. It's just my very own thoughts.

And, about my disease, I have been carrying this for like 7 years now.

You need to talk to someone not on the internet about this. It's gonna be better if you can see and feel that the person you're speaking with can care about you and your situation. I know you're scared of telling your family and friends about it, but I have a feeling you might need to do it anyway.

My friend has been asking me. But, I can't tell them as I'm sure that they will inform my family if they know my health condition.

I didn't mean right now. I meant that during your life, you saw or heard stuff about depression. You saw it on internet, you heard it from other people, saw it on TV, etc. Also the fact you vehemently deny it in this small conversation and don't even try to entertain the thought you have depression is the biggest prove.

I don't even want to think about it anymore. It feels like I'm getting more deep into thoughts about myself and it hurts.

I will be brutally honest, and it will probably be detrimental, but you need to man up. We can't prove anything or talk you into helping yourself. You are in denial and depressed, and ultimately, it will hurt people around you a lot more than it's going to hurt you. We have a saying here, "the secret always comes out." And when it comes out on its own, it will be bad.

"The secret always comes out". Thats why I just want to die rn, without my family knowing of my health. Be the reason of my death something else than my disease.

Which means you have grade A, 100% depression. Wanting to die, not seeing other options and thinking it won't worry people close to you is depression. You need help of a professional.

From my side, apart from saying the usual, death is not an option, I can mention one more thing.