Scribble Hub Forum

I don't know whether to congratulate you for wanting to provide feedback on a fellow writer or be concerned that you may be writing the comment with the intention to roast Sleds to a char.

To instill heart attack is my thing.
My words carry no snakes but sharp fangs of feline.

I don't really mind. I know the beginning of my story suck.

Sorry, I'm confused is that yes or no?

Oh, it's a yes, go ahead.

Part 1
This is Xuanhuan but English skin, terms are replaced but fighting is short like Japanese style with no luck/backup however its decisive nontheless.

The way you infodump is also similar to Japanese, its quite understandable to set the tone of how the world works early.

Part 2
Conversationwise its on the surface, there is lack of difference of look(skinny, fatty, macho) and imperfection(mole, freckles, chubby, lentigo). Characters are described of hair colour but not types as in is it messy, thin, curly, fluffy? What is the style as in buzzcut, ponytail, sidebang? Clothes also is not too detail as is it tight, loose, baggy, fit?

But thats my nitpick, others are fine uwu.

There you go @Hopper I've crippled this senior to his deathbad.
I your father, am very happy, smiles smugly.
Cough, now I'm heading to the emergency, he was a worthy opponent.

There are not many fights that are long. I don't like the idea of, "I hit you, then I pause to talk to you, now it's your turn! Don't worry. I wait until you prepare your attack "
The info dump is one of the flaws the story has at its beginning, tbh.

As for the conversation, I still suck at it. It gets better when you continue to read the story, and the same goes for the details of the characters.

Here a description of a character later:

Ah.. but I mean't fighting more, not dialogue its like the beast has more health points to take it down, just because its neck was slith, it will become faster in using the energy surrounding and the mc will have to use more technique as in both of them are equal to the extent mc had it rough. Whats missing is Chinese style of fighting description. But you do you, I won't argue

You mean I should write ten paragraphs to write a single slash of a sword?

Ps: I'm joking, thanks for the feedback.