I'm a pretentious, talentless, wannabe author, whose only redeeming side is the regular updates of his stories. But even then, it sucks. No one reads it. And it's better off covered in the digital dust of webnovel sites.
Hans last time I saw you I thought you were making progress on you're mental state but this isn't a healthy mindset. Focus on your students, they seem to bring you joy,
I believe the quote is definition of insanity, actually. In any case it is technically better that you're writing to accomplish a personal goal instead of pursuing an unlikely scenario.