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I pray and hope that the latter year will be kind to me. I want to rest my mind, though I know it isn't possible...but at least, be bearable.

I want to return to my childhood and reverse everything there. ??

But I can only look back at missed opportunities.

This vacation month made me realize, I've been bleeding for others but not for myself. And it's exhausting, even more so when you're taken for granted. This world isn't kind to people trying to give kindness. However, I also don't want to spread negativity, so I'll just suffer, I guess. Lol

But yeah, lemme enjoy my 30 minutes of massage chair for now.

Hence why as a unliving attempt survivor, i live unimpeded.

Yolo is a joke. And the true "yolo" should be "what if i died tomorrow". And is how i live. Living without regrets. Even though it offends lot of people. And seems to break "rules" sometimes.

If yolo are for crazy actions.
True one, is to visit family, say bye to loved ones and more. True "limited time" mentality.

This vacation month made me realize, I've been bleeding for others but not for myself.

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is what i tried to tell you since quite loooong while
Late but at least better than never.

And it's exhausting, even more so when you're taken for granted.

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- chinese's saying
(even a (fake) story where beggar was angry against someone (that kept giving money everyday) gave less bc he had now a family)

Its just human thing.
Same for love. If love is ez to get, "it will feel cheap". Hence why so many story "taking for granted/regret later" bc its taken from reality.

This world isn't kind to people trying to give kindness.

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West's proverb: Its the always the bests that leave first
Chinese's proverb : Good people die young, while villains live until 100 / God is jealous of talents

Anyone good will suffer.
Its a secret rule of the world.

Is it bc earth is in fact a prison and retrieve the good guys or is it aliens not wanting humanity to not develop ? No clue. But its like that.

However, I also don't want to spread negativity, so I'll just suffer, I guess. Lol

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Hence why you should just simply "let go" like me.
Also was like that (too kind). But since "letting go", its better now. Not perfected but quite better for the mental.
Yourself also gave this advice (ignore the people you dislike) in a similar way. Just need to applicate it more extensively.

Nah, I still can't turn into something I hated. It's a matter of personal dignity and self-respect.

What I can do, however, is to minimize my time interacting with people. Return to the introverted person I once was, since 'one-sided relationships' are abuse.

Ah, it's people from my work. Like, they demand something from me, knowing I can do it, yet they demand for free. Even when I am in vacation, they would call me, or tag me just to get my attention.

(Continuation)
But its also thx to my "failed attempt"

Like novel said, "brushing death" will change the thinking/mentality of anyone.
Most obvious thing is "the preciousness of life", just like someone discovering prec of people when losing them (breaking up) but this time not "others" but "the self"

It didn't help that my family just broke apart. Parents separated for stupid reasons, and while my mother has all the rights to get mad, she's turning toxic.

And others would just say, "It's life" when I try to open up. But when it's them, I'm there even in wee hours of morning.