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Deleted member 84247
"Good," Emily said, her hat wiggling despite no breeze.
"Good," Emily said, her hat wiggling in the calm air.
LuoirM
LuoirM
Thanks daddy
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Deleted member 76176
I'm not sure what you meant by the sentence alone. However, what you can do is simply separate the sentences.
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Deleted member 84247
That works, too. Something like: "Good," Emily said. Her hat wiggled despite the lack of breeze.
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Deleted member 84247
Also, oftentimes phrases like "in spite of" that can be replaced with "despite" go against flow and concision.
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Deleted member 76176
I'm more concerned with the word usage 'wriggle.' Since you won't generally compare the gust trying to blow away a hat with wriggling, I don't think the particular imagery works here and just makes me confused.
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Deleted member 84247
Not wriggle: Wiggle. From my understanding, the hat is just moving without a breeze.
LuoirM
LuoirM
Wriggle is a word?
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Deleted member 84247
It is, and it's basically the same lol.
melchi
melchi
Prob could just condense it, don't really action tags and dialogue tags.

"Good." Emily's hat fluttered like a flag in the breeze. There was no wind in the room. (or outside, meh)

IDK, depends on what the emphasis should be on, Emily or her hat? Usually what ever is earlier in the sentence pops more.
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Deleted member 84247
Though, she is right. A different word would be better than wiggle most likely.
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