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I hate how violently flat this sounds in my head and how unready I was for the flashbacks.

You hear this from a tired dad sitting on his lazyboy and drinking a glass of scotch after a long workday.

That's exactly how it sounded in my head. Flat. Angry. Out of nowhere, and full of spite. Mid-TV Show. Not even on a commercial break.
FOR FUCKIN WHAT?! WHAT DID I DO?

He's having an existential crisis but is so tired and worn down that his revelation of depression can only come out as a tired monotone.