Y'all i need a review

torosg · Thursday at 3:07 AM

Alright guys so this is my first official writing so i need a review and areas you think i need to improve on

Twilight

'The world sees a clumsy Sapphire. The abyss sees its master.' In a world where your soul’s rank is everything, Silas Vane is at the bottom. A nineteen-year-old Sapphire-rank hunter, he is known for two things: his cheap, scuffed shoes and his uncanny ability to survive disasters he...

www.scribblehub.com

for my latest chapter i've asked a question too so give me your thoughts on that too

Juia_Darkcrest · Thursday at 3:28 AM

- First off, your prologue and c1 are out of order; and

- Your title for c1 is all lowercase, while c2 has a single capital. You probably want to make your titles look like this;

Chapter 1: The Man Behind the Veil

OR

Chapter 1: The Man Behind The Veil

- I read part of c1 and honestly, I wasn't drawn in, so I did not continue with reading the actual story. But! It isn't really my type of story, so I won't judge the content too harshly.

- It seems to be written in weird, chopped-up sentences. It isn't even onamonapia style, just incomplete thoughts and statements.

- The titles after some of your line breaks seem a bit too big

Just say

----------------------------

Boss Room or Boss Room

My story continues here.

That is my 2 cents, but I write smut with a story, so what do I know?

Good Luck!

torosg · Thursday at 2:38 PM

Juia_Darkcrest said:
- First off, your prologue and c1 are out of order; and

- Your title for c1 is all lowercase, while c2 has a single capital. You probably want to make your titles look like this;

Chapter 1: The Man Behind the Veil

OR

Chapter 1: The Man Behind The Veil

- I read part of c1 and honestly, I wasn't drawn in, so I did not continue with reading the actual story. But! It isn't really my type of story, so I won't judge the content too harshly.

- It seems to be written in weird, chopped-up sentences. It isn't even onamonapia style, just incomplete thoughts and statements.

- The titles after some of your line breaks seem a bit too big

Just say

----------------------------

Boss Room or Boss Room

My story continues here.

That is my 2 cents, but I write smut with a story, so what do I know?

Good Luck!

Aight thanks i got your point

Eldoria · 2026-03-13T13:30:24+0000

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Conqueror_Quack · 2026-03-13T13:56:35+0000

Eldoria said:
404 not found

They deleted it.

Akkizakura · 2026-03-13T14:37:47+0000

Conqueror_Quack said:
They deleted it.
View attachment 47482

A wise move. Reordering chapters make your story stop appearing. Better delete it.

TheIcMan · 2026-03-13T19:13:13+0000

Eldoria said:
404 not found

Das my EW squad

Y'all i need a review

torosg

New member

Twilight

Juia_Darkcrest

Well-known member

torosg

New member

Eldoria

Well-known member

Conqueror_Quack

Has two hats, each bigger than the other one

Akkizakura

Honorary SEA member

TheIcMan

Isekai Must Be Fixed