Good or Mad? My plot idea.

I really need to ask now: Is my story idea mad? Too dark? To put it politely. Or bluntly, sadistically cruel?

Now, I know we, as writers, should write what we like if it is just for fun. Only when we plan to monetize it should we be worried about reader reception. Honestly I am stuck somewhere in between: what I want and reader engagement.

So here it is, my MC's (simply called 'Hero' after this) storyline.

Born a prince of a winged-human race (simply called Winglies).
Watched his parents die and kingdom burn at seven, was sealed and teleported away with his Guardian. He remembers everything.
Met his first female main character (simply called 'Sister' after this), became sworn siblings, lived peaceful life together until twelve and was discovered by the people who burned his kingdom.
Hero leaves his Sister behind and wanders the world with Guardian in hiding, hunted by the villains, never staying in one place long.

At eighteen, meets the True Heroine of the Story (simply called 'Heroine' after this), who happens to be a daughter of the world's most ruthless Winglyhunter Duke.
They fall in love. Heroine doesn't know he's Wingly.
Complications? Heroine's godmother, whom she loves dearly is Hero's last surviving relative and late-Mother's twin.
The Godmother plays the scheming matchmaker here. Heroine had no idea the Hero and her Godmother was related.
Again, the Hero and Heroine was separated by circumstance, but not before they cross the line of no return.

During the separation, the Godmother was discovered to be a Wingly, and the Duke forces the Heroine to execute her to prove her loyalty.
She complied out of fear and dies inside. Her subsequent fallout with her father caused her exile.
She ends up at the Magic School. There, the Hero's Sister befriends her.

Meanwhile, the Villains hunts down the Hero and kills Guardian.
Hero escapes to the Magic School

There, Hero is reunited with Heroine and Sister (these two had become friends).
The revelation shatters Hero. Hero cannot forgive Heroine. Sister is caught in the middle.
Hero avoids her, ignores her, just isolated completely and rages at the god of their world.
Heroine, thinking she is beyond redemption, challenges Hero to a deathmatch.
Just when Hero was about to kill Heroine, he drops his sword and forgives her.
They rebuild their relationship from the ashes.

There. I think it's a great plot. I want to focus on the Heroine's guilt, Hero's anger, Sister's dilemma.
But my mother (yes, my mother) said it's too dark (he dies, she dies, everybody dies, everything bleak). People will not like it. People want happy stories. Unfortunately, my social circle are not interested in stories so I had no one to ask.

So, what do you guys think?

It seems like just another fantasy drama with bloody violence. But that's just my opinion. I'm also a dark fantasy writer. So these scenes feel pretty ordinary.

Eldoria said:

It seems like just another fantasy drama with bloody violence. But that's just my opinion. I'm also a dark fantasy writer. So these scenes feel pretty ordinary.

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It's really very ordinary.

HarryGarland said:

I really need to ask now: Is my story idea mad? Too dark? To put it politely. Or bluntly, sadistically cruel?

Now, I know we, as writers, should write what we like if it is just for fun. Only when we plan to monetize it should we be worried about reader reception. Honestly I am stuck somewhere in between: what I want and reader engagement.

So here it is, my MC's (simply called 'Hero' after this) storyline.

Born a prince of a winged-human race (simply called Winglies).
Watched his parents die and kingdom burn at seven, was sealed and teleported away with his Guardian. He remembers everything.
Met his first female main character (simply called 'Sister' after this), became sworn siblings, lived peaceful life together until twelve and was discovered by the people who burned his kingdom.
Hero leaves his Sister behind and wanders the world with Guardian in hiding, hunted by the villains, never staying in one place long.

At eighteen, meets the True Heroine of the Story (simply called 'Heroine' after this), who happens to be a daughter of the world's most ruthless Winglyhunter Duke.
They fall in love. Heroine doesn't know he's Wingly.
Complications? Heroine's godmother, whom she loves dearly is Hero's last surviving relative and late-Mother's twin.
The Godmother plays the scheming matchmaker here. Heroine had no idea the Hero and her Godmother was related.
Again, the Hero and Heroine was separated by circumstance, but not before they cross the line of no return.

During the separation, the Godmother was discovered to be a Wingly, and the Duke forces the Heroine to execute her to prove her loyalty.
She complied out of fear and dies inside. Her subsequent fallout with her father caused her exile.
She ends up at the Magic School. There, the Hero's Sister befriends her.

Meanwhile, the Villains hunts down the Hero and kills Guardian.
Hero escapes to the Magic School

There, Hero is reunited with Heroine and Sister (these two had become friends).
The revelation shatters Hero. Hero cannot forgive Heroine. Sister is caught in the middle.
Hero avoids her, ignores her, just isolated completely and rages at the god of their world.
Heroine, thinking she is beyond redemption, challenges Hero to a deathmatch.
Just when Hero was about to kill Heroine, he drops his sword and forgives her.
They rebuild their relationship from the ashes.

There. I think it's a great plot. I want to focus on the Heroine's guilt, Hero's anger, Sister's dilemma.
But my mother (yes, my mother) said it's too dark (he dies, she dies, everybody dies, everything bleak). People will not like it. People want happy stories. Unfortunately, my social circle are not interested in stories so I had no one to ask.

So, what do you guys think?

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I think Winglies as a name should be improved, that's like Pokemon name a snail that is Water Snailqua. Also, it is objectively does sounds as typical dark fantasy, though I am more on power fantasy and is dabbing on tragedy with my sequel, so I am not a very good reference

HarryGarland said:

I really need to ask now: Is my story idea mad? Too dark? To put it politely. Or bluntly, sadistically cruel?

Now, I know we, as writers, should write what we like if it is just for fun. Only when we plan to monetize it should we be worried about reader reception. Honestly I am stuck somewhere in between: what I want and reader engagement.

So here it is, my MC's (simply called 'Hero' after this) storyline.

Born a prince of a winged-human race (simply called Winglies).
Watched his parents die and kingdom burn at seven, was sealed and teleported away with his Guardian. He remembers everything.
Met his first female main character (simply called 'Sister' after this), became sworn siblings, lived peaceful life together until twelve and was discovered by the people who burned his kingdom.
Hero leaves his Sister behind and wanders the world with Guardian in hiding, hunted by the villains, never staying in one place long.

At eighteen, meets the True Heroine of the Story (simply called 'Heroine' after this), who happens to be a daughter of the world's most ruthless Winglyhunter Duke.
They fall in love. Heroine doesn't know he's Wingly.
Complications? Heroine's godmother, whom she loves dearly is Hero's last surviving relative and late-Mother's twin.
The Godmother plays the scheming matchmaker here. Heroine had no idea the Hero and her Godmother was related.
Again, the Hero and Heroine was separated by circumstance, but not before they cross the line of no return.

During the separation, the Godmother was discovered to be a Wingly, and the Duke forces the Heroine to execute her to prove her loyalty.
She complied out of fear and dies inside. Her subsequent fallout with her father caused her exile.
She ends up at the Magic School. There, the Hero's Sister befriends her.

Meanwhile, the Villains hunts down the Hero and kills Guardian.
Hero escapes to the Magic School

There, Hero is reunited with Heroine and Sister (these two had become friends).
The revelation shatters Hero. Hero cannot forgive Heroine. Sister is caught in the middle.
Hero avoids her, ignores her, just isolated completely and rages at the god of their world.
Heroine, thinking she is beyond redemption, challenges Hero to a deathmatch.
Just when Hero was about to kill Heroine, he drops his sword and forgives her.
They rebuild their relationship from the ashes.

There. I think it's a great plot. I want to focus on the Heroine's guilt, Hero's anger, Sister's dilemma.
But my mother (yes, my mother) said it's too dark (he dies, she dies, everybody dies, everything bleak). People will not like it. People want happy stories. Unfortunately, my social circle are not interested in stories so I had no one to ask.

So, what do you guys think?

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It somewhat gives me the vibes of Akame ga Kill.

What they said^

In terms of dark-fantasy, very ordinary. But doesn't mean you shouldn't write it.
Maybe add in a twist or two that affects the overall arc of the story?

Same as above. You should still write it if you feel it resonates with you that much, but it's not excessively dark or, as you put it, "sadistically cruel".

is this save-the-cat outline, or hero's-journey outline?
or an original outline.
it seems to have a lot of twists, turns, reveals, cliffs.

I'm trying to decide.
if its going to be swords, sorcery, action.
or soap-opera relationship drama with a romance mixed in.
the romance part dragged out with on again off gain a million times.

older paperbacks, you could tell something from the cover.
you *knew* when you picked up something, you were guaranteed... action, magic-action, conflict and resolution.
some relationship drama, romance element could well be threaded into it to make it more complex, but within reason.

nowadays, the cover art might promise... battle, action, magic...
but you could be in for a book long romance and soap opera.
lots of online conversations where readers question what happened to the fantasy genre.
when did it turn into mainly romance/soap opera with a fantasy setting.

a lot of the straight-forward sword and sorcery seems to be litRPG now. or this cultivation thing.
does anyone do "straight forward" swords and sorcery anymore? is there even a "retro"market for that.

Thanks everyone.
I'll press on and write it.
...
And cancel my appointment with my psychiatrist.

HarryGarland said:

And cancel my appointment with my psychiatrist.

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Sanity is over-rated. Or so I heard.

It depends on where you start the story - are they all at the school and flashing back to the backstory, or does it unfold "in real time" from the death of the hereo's parents? Or from his time with Heroine, or his time with Sister and Guardian?

CharlesEBrown said:

It depends on where you start the story - are they all at the school and flashing back to the backstory, or does it unfold "in real time" from the death of the hereo's parents? Or from his time with Heroine, or his time with Sister and Guardian?

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It unfolds in realtime beginning from Hero meeting Sister. Only the night Hero lost everything is flashback (in the form of a nightmare).

My two cents is that I would deepen the characters in order to avoid more ordinary "misunderstanding-type plots" that readers can find frustrating. For instance, the Godmother is attempting to match the Heroine with the Hero, but then she is executed. This results in the Hero wanting to kill the Heroine, which is a bit of a backfire. Rather than the Heroine complying simply out of fear, and the Hero one-sidedly and stubbornly deciding "she's bad, she should die" despite obvious innocence, you could have the Heroine bought into her father's genocide, either completely or mostly, with some doubts. She is horrified to have to execute her beloved godmother, but young, stupid, and angry enough at her godmother's secret, and the supposed "betrayal" of it, that she does the deed.
Over the course of the story, the Heroine steadily begins to come around to the fact that her father is, in fact, doing terrible things to innocent people. The Hero, in the meantime, may come to the conclusion that his late aunt may not have been wholly good, that her machinations might have been to use and throw him away as a tool for her own vengeance, or something of that nature.
There's a whole lot of cool stuff that you can do with a story like this, that one goes into expecting mediocrity, but then surpasses their expectations.

HarryGarland said:

It unfolds in realtime beginning from Hero meeting Sister. Only the night Hero lost everything is flashback (in the form of a nightmare).

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Then that should be decent.