I started writing as hobby i would appreciate for tips/feedback

this technically my second series but the first one is bit overboard and gore so i deleted it
as of now this is what im writing


i hope you give me feedback thank you!

Ouch.

Alright, first things first. You really need to re-write the synopsis or no one is going to take this very seriously. Multiple errors here, plus try to explain the story a little more. I'm worried to read anything else - and so will most readers.

LeilaniOtter said:

Ouch.

Alright, first things first. You really need to re-write the synopsis or no one is going to take this very seriously. Multiple errors here, plus try to explain the story a little more. I'm worried to read anything else - and so will most readers.

Click to expand...

thanks

Download Grammarly or use some sort of spellchecker.

Not only your story, but this post as well is incredibly difficult to read... I spot countless mistakes.

However, don't be discouraged. Spelling/Grammar mistakes are relatively easy to correct—however, as long as they persist, nobody will read your story, and it's essentially dead in the water.

Get to it before you continue.

Also, the "Edited" chapters are a little better than the Raw chapters, but they are still unacceptable. You should also delete the Raw chapters... why would you keep them? One Raw chapter is enough to make me drop the story. I forced myself to read one and really had to push through.

As far as the plot is concerned... I really can't say anything.

What I also noticed is that your sentences are extremely simple, without much nuance. I think you need to work on the technical aspect of writing/English before wondering about the plot. The plot seems to be unproblematic.

Also, your title is unacceptable. You are missing an "the."

Update:
1. New synopsis—still shit though, atleast its not an eyesore... for me.
2. I fixed the confusing chapter variants.
3. Somewhat improved my grammar... kinda.


:)