OrionVale's latest activity

I see so thats why. I understand thanks again.

@Eldoria I came with the new chapter 11. Is there anything wrong? I feel like its too long hahaha

I mean I used first person limited to aiko most of the time then when there's a plot or event that needs to be portrayed and aiko...

@Eldoria I pondered again and again and read LN,WN, MANGA, MANHWA, watched animals. Then I tried using first person of aiko, I might do...

I see thanks haha what i always imagine is im the viewer lol. Ill try entering the view of my protagonist

I haven't read chapter 9 in its entirety, just checking your chapter format. Why do you use short paragraphs (1 paragraph = 1 sentence)...

I see i tried limiting the description and i was led to short paragraphs.

I uploaded chapter 9. I shortened the description and added more flow for plot. I feel like the scenes are downgraded haha. Also does...

Don't overdo sensory descriptions in a single scene. If you provide too many sensory descriptions, the reader may lose focus. Instead...

I see as I thought the sensory details is eating too much of the chapter. I'll tighten this an expand the plot per chapter rather than...

I'm back with the chapter I fixed the senses but I think the sensory details might need some tone down😕 @Eldoria

That was my point mc act like child. Since her body was of a 15 yrs old japanese woman. Also it's important to emphasize her childish...

I posted a chapter 7, can you tell me if something is still lacking? I tried improving it. @Eldoria I posted the chapter. I tried...

I read your story , Eldoria has basically summed up any useful advices at this stage Pov shifts and pacing was a bit too vague and...

Just type username with the initial @ (for example, @Eldoria) in your answer.