Recent content by abysslover12

Thank you so much for taking the time to give such a detailed breakdown. As a writer who’s just starting out, feedback like this genuinely helps a lot. I’m not even a native speaker, so most of the time I’m writing based on instinct and what feels right to me from the things I’ve read before...

I tried to make the scene more emotional, but I think I stretched it too far. I’d like your feedback. Here is the chapter I did keep the hospital scene as is, though

Alright I will rewrite the whole thing and try to incorporate all the points you and el listed. Appreciate you guys giving your time to help me out.

First of all, Thank you — I appreciate the blunt, detailed feedback. I can see you put time into this, and I value the honesty. Your points landed, and I want you to know I’m taking them seriously. So, to summarize what you said: The prologue leans on a familiar, cheap conflict (sick relative...

CHAPTER 0: PROLOGUE The steady beep of the heart monitor filled the hospital room, each sound sharp enough to carve itself into John’s memory. His brother Alex lay in the bed, pale but smiling, a jacket draped across the chair beside him. “Come here, kid,” Alex said, voice rough but warm. He...

wow, you really gave me a scare there i thought i actually did something wrong

Thank you, and what do you mean i am stalking eldoria? I’m not stalking anyone. I only interact with stories and profiles in the normal way readers do. I don’t know why you think I’m stalking Eldoria, but that’s not my intention at all. If there’s a misunderstanding, I’d be happy to clear it up.

John figured death was supposed to mean peace at last. His whole life got wrecked by heartbreak and betrayal and all that loss, so the grave ought to just end it there, right?. But no, he wakes in the body of a child, dragged into the clutches of the Obsidian Covenant — a secret order that...

Thank you so much for this ya I also felt like it was slow the first few chapters cause I didn't really know how to get into it, as for chapter 1 reading like a prologue it is cause it is an important reference later to the story as jynx is a central part of the story but all in all thanks for...

Thank you for pointing those out. I will definitely take into account your points, as for the feedback, anywhere is fine, put it wherever you like by the way i am also trying to check out your stories, and since there are a lot of them, does the order matter, or do I just start one

Thanks for taking the time to look at it and give your real thoughts. I see what you are saying about all the isekai stuff out there; it does feel like there are tons of them. As someone just starting out writing, I figured Id try doing the kind of tales I've read a bunch and liked a lot. Right...

Hey folks, I’d love some feedback on my story no holding back i want an honest one. The premise is simple but intense: John dies in our world and wakes up in the body of a thirteen‑year‑old, forced into an organization that trains kids into weapons. The system is layered and complex, and...