Review Swap? Drop your link below.

[NathanTKenny]

Hey everyone!

I'd like the chance to review swap with members of the Scribblehub community. It'd be nice to get some feedback on my story; I will return the favour as quickly as I can.

Some rules for both of us:

• We read at least 10,000 words worth of each other's material before reviewing. If you have under 10,000 I will read up to the most recent chapter.
• We don't nitpick details, especially where unnecessary. I do find excessive fault-finding to be unnecessary in most cases, and can sometimes lead to finding errors that don't exist, hindering both of our experiences.
• Let me know beforehand what type of feedback you'd like. For example: "Grammar checks, character development, plot etc." Personally, I would like any feedback on the story and characters as opposed to any technical thoughts. (The story is clean enough so that it should be readable to the average eye).
• If we do not enjoy one another's stories, we don't post a review/rating. This is mostly because a dislike for a general story can cause every other aspect to fall down, and so if someone else sees the review, they might judge it the same way before experiencing it for themselves.
  
  Leave your link(s) below :)
  
  Mine is here.
  
  

 

[darksea]

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/162187/dc-el-ascenso-de-jeron/ Hola, estoy interesado en tu propuesta, soy nuevo en la escritura y me gustaría que alguien tuviera la capacidad de revisar mi trabajar y darme una evaluación al respecto, el ingreso no es mi lengua materna y tuve que usar un traductor, gracias de antemano

 

[Leti]

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/162187/dc-el-ascenso-de-jeron/ Hola, estoy interesado en tu propuesta, soy nuevo en la escritura y me gustaría que alguien tuviera la capacidad de revisar mi trabajar y darme una evaluación al respecto, el ingreso no es mi lengua materna y tuve que usar un traductor, gracias de antemano

Hola. Yo no hablo español. Y no sé cómo entenderá mi libro. Está escrito en inglés.

Spoiler

Has buscado alguna vez un hotel en internet? Has visto la cantidad de precios diferentes que hay para la misma habitación? Trivago te ayuda a comparar los precios de más de 700 mil hoteles en más de 175 páginas web, en vez de perder tiempo y dinero, Trivago te lo hace más fácil para que encuentres tu hotel ideal al mejor precio, solo entra a trivago.com y escribe tu destino, selecciona en dos clics la fecha de llegada y salida. Así de simple trivago busca al instante entre cientos de páginas web y te muestra los hoteles disponibles, Selecciona el precio máximo que quieras gastar, elige el número de estrellas y filtra por las puntuaciones de los usuario, Trivago te muestra los diferentes precios disponibles de una misma habitación, así puedes estar seguro de encontrar el hotel ideal al mejor precio.

Hotel? Trivago.

Regardless, posts should be kept English only, as managing multiple languages would require an extraneous amount of resources. Thank you for your cooperation and support.

 

[Deleted member 29448]

Cool! I’d love to check out and review your story! As for type of feedback... perhaps story/plot and character? I noticed you’ve already started my story, but here’s the link:

Reaching Zenith [Interactive Story]

Zenith X is a twenty-five year old, crippled man with the worst luck. He even unknowingly traded away his life for a small bit of glory. As he enters through Death’s doors, a nearby person turns back the clock on Zenith’s miserable life. Zenith opens his eyes to...

www.scribblehub.com

Thanks a bunch!

 

[NathanTKenny]

Cool! I’d love to check out and review your story! As for type of feedback... perhaps story/plot and character? I noticed you’ve already started my story, but here’s the link:

Reaching Zenith [Interactive Story]

Zenith X is a twenty-five year old, crippled man with the worst luck. He even unknowingly traded away his life for a small bit of glory. As he enters through Death’s doors, a nearby person turns back the clock on Zenith’s miserable life. Zenith opens his eyes to...

www.scribblehub.com

Thanks a bunch!

I'd love to!

 

[averagewriter]

why do you sometimes, add some sentences that are out of place? for example (Alex looked over at the far right side of the arcade and saw the dance stages./ Her hair had been kept neatly cut that evening/.)what does her looking towards the right, have anything to do with you mentioning that she has just cut her hair that evening.

 

[OvidLemma]

why do you sometimes, add some sentences that are out of place? for example (Alex looked over at the far right side of the arcade and saw the dance stages./ Her hair had been kept neatly cut that evening/.)what does her looking towards the right, have anything to do with you mentioning that she has just cut her hair that evening.

I'm not sure which story/chapter this is in, so I can't confirm context. But I'll often do something like this to establish the POV of the narrator. We now know that the narrator is standing such that they can see the side of Alex's head when she turns to take in the arcade. It effectively gives the reader a camera lens positioning to start the scene (or this part of the scene) through which to take in the action. Not all writers do this, but it's a fine tool for those whose writing is visually-oriented.

 

[averagewriter]

i understand that, but the point is you mentioning her hair cut in an untimely fashion. you could have just said "Alex looked over at the far right side of the arcade and saw the dance stages, with her hair neatly tucked behind her ears." or something like that instead.

 

[averagewriter]

Paradox Of Life(Rewriting)

'Pulse' is a power that 'Will' has had access to since he was a child. Though he always felt that something about this whole world is just not right. That 'Pulse' should not be as simple as just that. Until that certain day came, where he discovered that he was...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[averagewriter]

here's another one (Andy was just wrapping up the closing lines of his English homework. Huddling up against his desk, he sat comfortably on a swivel chair, typing away on his computer /(he had been a quick typer)/.) instead of putting it between braces and saying that you could have just wrote it like this, "Andy was just wrapping up the closing lines of his English homework. Huddling up against his desk, he sat comfortably on a swivel chair, /*while typing extremely fast on his keyboard since he have always been a quick typer*/.

 

[NathanTKenny]

here's another one (Andy was just wrapping up the closing lines of his English homework. Huddling up against his desk, he sat comfortably on a swivel chair, typing away on his computer /(he had been a quick typer)/.) instead of putting it between braces and saying that you could have just wrote it like this, "Andy was just wrapping up the closing lines of his English homework. Huddling up against his desk, he sat comfortably on a swivel chair, /*while typing extremely fast on his keyboard since he have always been a quick typer*/.

The second one is definitely style-based. And I actually don't like the sound of it since the grammar is incorrect and it provides a tautology in your given example.

*Huddling up against his desk, he sat comfortably on a swivel chair, typing away on his computer (he had been a quick typer)
sounds much better lol.

There are so many different ways one can word a sentence; the way you see fit I do not agree with because it has it's own problems.

As for your first comment, it's probably because its acting as a camera in that you are seeing things from the perspective of Alex (multi POV).

 

[averagewriter]

sorry

 

[averagewriter]

i guess it was ignorance on my side

 

[NathanTKenny]

i understand that, but the point is you mentioning her hair cut in an untimely fashion. you could have just said "Alex looked over at the far right side of the arcade and saw the dance stages, with her hair neatly tucked behind her ears." or something like that instead.

Again, I also don't understand why you are asking me directly why I did it. In a way it seems you know it's intentional,

I'm not sure which story/chapter this is in, so I can't confirm context. But I'll often do something like this to establish the POV of the narrator. We now know that the narrator is standing such that they can see the side of Alex's head when she turns to take in the arcade. It effectively gives the reader a camera lens positioning to start the scene (or this part of the scene) through which to take in the action. Not all writers do this, but it's a fine tool for those whose writing is visually-oriented.

This is actually exactly the intention! I commented this before even reading this one too! :D

 

[NathanTKenny]

i guess it was ignorance on my side

No problem it's just a matter of personal taste. XD

 

[averagewriter]

i guess i was just trying to act smart but it ended up backfiring.

 

[NathanTKenny]

i guess i was just trying to act smart but it ended up backfiring.

Anyway I'll start your book ASAP. I have like 3 or 4 to get through atm XD

 

[averagewriter]

well then, i guess i will try my best with yours then, while giving my own personal opinion this time. instead of some useless comments

 

[averagewriter]

i have just finished reading till your most recent update.
i am a little unsure about my reading experience, at first i found it to be a little boring, though that is my personal opinion since i am little new to this genre, later on though it started to get a little more interesting, but i can still not tell you for sure how do i feel about it since nothing has almost happened yet. still it looks promising, i will try and read a few more chapter later on down the road and see what happens.

 

[NathanTKenny]

why do you sometimes, add some sentences that are out of place? for example (Alex looked over at the far right side of the arcade and saw the dance stages./ Her hair had been kept neatly cut that evening/.)what does her looking towards the right, have anything to do with you mentioning that she has just cut her hair that evening.

Might I ask what you're reading the story on? Because I just checked and the sentence you referred to is not on Scribblehub rather an old version on another site. :/